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單身媽媽自述：成為單身媽媽，讓我破除偏見
	發(fā)起人：eging3　　回復數(shù)：1　　瀏覽數(shù)：3683　　最后更新：2022/9/28 21:11:36 by nihaota

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eging3 發(fā)表于 2017/3/29 9:22:14

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單身媽媽自述：成為單身媽媽，讓我破除偏見

Cherry Healey: ’How being a single mum shattered my prejudices’

單身媽媽自述：成為單身媽媽，讓我破除偏見

Single mothers have often been stigmatized and denounced. Cherry Healey explains why she’s proud to be one.

單身媽媽總是被污蔑和譴責。（單身媽媽）希利揭示了自己為什么以單身媽媽為自豪。

I’m a single mum. I’m glad I live in an age and a place where it’s OK to admit that.

我是一個單身母親。我很高興，我生活在一個接納單身母親的時代和地方。

We have moved on so much, so fast. Once, Margaret Thatcher deemed a single parent family so bad for a child that she felt it was better for the mother and child to be removed and placed within a religious group.

我們進步了很多，很快。曾經，瑪格麗特·撒切爾認為單身父母家庭對孩子來說很糟糕，她認為母親和孩子被安置在宗教團體中會更好。

When I first heard that, I felt such unbelievable pain and heartbreak for all those young mothers that were pressured into following this advice.

當我第一次聽到這個時，我為被迫遵循這一建議的年輕母親感到如此不可思議的痛苦和心碎。

And it would have had many ripples of pain the family as a whole.

整個家庭會涌動著很多痛苦的情緒。

The judgement of others is a powerful thing and people will do unfathomable things to avoid bringing shame onto themselves and their families.

別人的判斷是一種很有力的事，人們將做出很多不可預測的事情去避免為自己和家人帶來恥辱。

And this is the judgement that I want to see gone. Completely.

這也是我想讓其消失的判斷。完全消失。

Yes we have progressed - but even today there is such an insipid, damaging view of single parents that we need to keep revisiting it until single parents feel free of useless, ignorant judgement - and instead receive respect as parents and support if they, and therefore their child, needs it.

是的，我們已經取得了進步——但是即便是今天，（人們對）單身父母仍然抱有一種需要糾正的無聊的、毀壞性的觀點，直到單身父母不再覺得無用，不再受到無知的判斷，獲得作為父母需要的尊重和孩子需要的支持。

Sadly, even in 2017 I felt the cold wind of judgement when I became a single parent. It’s hard to know whether the judgement I felt comes from society or whether it comes from myself. I think it is a bit of both.

難過地是，即便是在2017年，我都能感到成為單身父母后冷酷的指指點點。很難說清，我感受到的指點是否來自社會或者我自身。我覺得兩方面都有。

I hate to admit this, but I had a negative view of single mums before I became one. As I grew up I heard, read and watched society’s depiction of The Single Mum, and it certainly wasn’t positive.

我討厭承認這一點，但是在成為單身母親之前，我對此抱有消極的想法。因為在成長過程中，我聽到、讀到和看到的社會對單身母親的描述，從不積極。

Comedy sketches depicting single mums smoking cigarettes and drinking cider in the park while neglecting their babies, endless newspaper stories about single mothers on benefits draining the system, statements from politicians about the connection between "Broken Britain" and one-parent families - all fed my prejudice gremlin until one day, I too was a dreaded single mum. And I began to question everything I’d ever consumed about this subject.

喜劇小品描繪單身母親在公園抽煙、喝蘋果酒，忽視了自己的孩子。無窮無盡的新聞故事是關于單身母親過分仰仗福利系統(tǒng)的，政客關于“英國破敗”和單身家庭聯(lián)系的言論，這些都滋長了我的偏見魔鬼，直到有一天，我也成為了一個可怕的單親母親。我開始質疑我關于這個主題的一切發(fā)揮。

I was happy to discover that I was the same person. I was a good parent as a married woman and I was a good parent as single mother.

我開心的發(fā)現(xiàn)，我是同一個人。作為已婚婦女，是個好家長，作為單身母親，我也是個好家長。

Money was tighter but my ability to maintain order at home, get homework done on time and love my children had not changed.

錢越來越緊張，但是我保持家庭秩序、及時做完家務以及愛孩子的能力沒有改變。

Separating and re-establishing my life was difficult but I felt so hugely grateful that at least I was able to pay the bills thanks to my job - and it made me realise that there is so much stigma attached to being a single mother. At exactly the time when the single parent needs support and help, they are stigmatised and judged.

分離和重建我的生活是困難的，但我非常感激至少我能夠靠我的工作支付賬單——這讓我意識到，單身母親和這么多污名掛鉤。在單親家庭需要支持和幫助的時候，他們受到侮辱和評判。

It also made me realise that for many of us there is a strong, not very flattering stereotype of The Single Mum. And so I wanted to break free from that and give a voice to some single parents that haven’t been heard before.

它也讓我意識到，對于我們中許多人來說，對單身母親有一個固化的，不是很討人喜歡的“單身媽媽”的刻板印象。所以我想擺脫這一點，給一些以前沒從未被人聽說過的單身父母發(fā)聲。

And I’m glad to say that any prejudice, both conscious and subconscious, was gradually eroded.

我很開心地想說，任何有意識或者無意識的偏見都在漸漸稀釋。

I spoke to Kirsty, a single mother with a terminal illness, who smashes the traditionalist’s argument that it’s better to stay in an unhealthy marriage, regardless of the circumstances. Even though she was suffering and weak from cancer, she did not regret leaving her relationship and was happy that her daughter’s environment was at least peaceful.

我和一名患有絕癥的單身母親柯絲蒂交談，她打破了傳統(tǒng)的，無論在任何情況下都應該停留在不健康婚姻中的論點。盡管她飽受癌癥的折磨，但她不后悔離開自己的婚姻關系，她很開心自己女兒的環(huán)境至少是和平的。

She acknowledges that it was hard caring for her daughter alone: "I definitely still have guilt over it. There are times at bedtime when she’ll cry for her daddy."

她明白，獨自照顧女兒很難：“我對此肯定有負罪感。有時候，她在床上因為爸爸哭泣。”

But she still feels it was the right decision. She is now able to co-parent with her partner in a more harmonious way. Her message that together is not always best for the child, even in such a challenging situation, was powerful.

但她仍然覺得這是一個正確的決定。如果，她能夠以更和諧的方式與她的伴侶共同對女兒盡撫養(yǎng)義務。她傳遞出的信息——在一起并不總是對孩子最好非常有利，即便是在這種充滿挑戰(zhàn)的情境下。

nihaota 發(fā)表于 2022/9/28 21:11:39

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